I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
