we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
