I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
