She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize