I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
