I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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