Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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