Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
