I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
