About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
