Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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