k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
