dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
