people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
this hospital has no fireball
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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