Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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