So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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