just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
