so explain again why im purple
no
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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