I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
