just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
