I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize