My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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