so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
