He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
