Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
