The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize