I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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