I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you would pick up someone in the library
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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