Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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