He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
