I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
