bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
