I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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