someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
