he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We need to get me chipped asap
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
