she was so not down for the gang bang
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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