i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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