Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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