i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
