I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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