Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
