YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
