I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
