wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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