So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
