He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
