I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
