He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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