C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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