Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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