Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
