True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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