please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
