Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize