You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
