Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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