Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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