How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
