Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do vagina's smell?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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