He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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