my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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