Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
