When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
