I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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