Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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