i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
