my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There's always time for handjobs
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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