Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize