I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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