Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
