it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
