so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
