Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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