He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
