Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
