I am puke
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
