She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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